A friend of mine had such an interesting response to Dallas Single Mom’s FB post yesterday that we’ve decided to share it here… Hope you enjoy!
This Facebook post from Dallas Single Mom really hit home with me yesterday. Mainly because I would be wealthy if I had a dollar for every time someone has given me a “kindly nudge” like this since my divorce was final nearly 10 years ago… And, to be honest, it’s been like 31 flavors of awkward since then… Here are just a few (and what I thought when I heard them).
- Some people have pressured me to “find that guy” with the approach Dallas Single Mom shared, “There’s only so much time left for you…” etc. (Got it. You think I’m probably doomed.)
- Others say, “Oh I know you’ll find that special someone someday, DON’T YOU WORRY!” (Oh really? Because you sound kinda’ worried…)
- Then, there are others who take the “supportive track,” saying, “You know, some people live their WHOLE LIVES without EVER getting married (again), and they live very interesting, full and productive lives…” (Ohhhhh, so you think I should give up, then?)
- And, there are the complete strangers who ask me, “Oh, so are you married… do you have kids…?” followed by the shocked, “WHY NOT???!” (Sigh…. You just flunked small talk 101).
Since I think people usually mean well, I usually avoid prolonging the awkwardness of these situations. But, over the years, I’ve noticed a common denominator between all of these strange private (and some public) encounters:
These are all examples of other people imprinting their fears about life onto me… Or, in the case of those who love me most, they’re imprinting their fears about MY life onto me…. Either way, it really has very little to do with me… These well-meaning, love life do-gooders imagine what it would be like to be me, and it sounds scary, hard, maybe even sad…
Here’s the thing: Being alone can be great, and there are times when it’s a drag… But, that’s the case with married life or life with a partner too… There are good days and bad days… Although, for people who have been through divorce (like me), we also know that being with the RIGHT person is so much more important than being with someone just so you’re “in a relationship.”
So, anytime any of my single lady friends out there need a little extra mental/emotional armor for the “kindly nudges” that come your way, just remember this:
Just because the situation feels awkward doesn’t mean that you are awkward. Think about it. You’re just reacting to a few little words someone else is saying to you… You’re reacting to someone else NOT understanding YOU. And THAT is not your problem to solve… It’s his or hers… if he/she really cares about you…
You don’t have to absorb the anxiety and impatience that others may have for you and your love life. Only YOU know what makes you happy and what’s right for you. Be true to you, and don’t worry too much about other people’s “noise.”
Like static in between radio stations, that noise is just what you hear on your way to the things you choose to focus on, enjoy, think about… You dont’ have to dwell on it unless you want (or choose) to…